this is what it is to be held
by dArKeNsHaDoWs
Summary: when disaster strikes, natalie and adrian have to make the most difficult choice, with natalie and their unborn childrens lives a stake how will the gang cope. one shot. monk/natalie.


….What it is to be held…

The doors to the emergency room were burst open as 6 doctors rushed a woman through on a gurney a dristraught man was held back as the doctor rushed the woman into surgery.

"im sorry you cant come in there."

"shes my wife!"

"im sorry." The doctor followed in persuit leaving the desperate man being held back by his long time friend.

"monk, listen to me, she's gonna be fine."

"what about my son and daughter, Leland I cant lose them!" monk collapsed to the floor, Leland knelt by his beloved friend and watched as he crumbled and became a broken man.

"they are going to be fine, monk. You hear me. You are not going to lose them." Leland sat with his friend for hours until a doctor came to find them."

"what happened?" Leland spoke first he couldn't let monk take that weight again. This scene was all too familiar, they had been in the same situation twelve years ago. But then their was only one life at stake, but now there was four lives at risk.

"we had to deliver the twins, it was the only way to stop the bleeding, the stab wound punctured the cord, damaging the twins oxygen supply, they are in intensive care, but they cant breathe on their own. Im sorry to put you in this position, but one of the twins has a heart murmur, she needs a new heart, and quickly we cant put her on the transplant list it would take to long."

"what are you saying?" adrian monks voice was thick, and full of emotion.

"we are saying that you have to decide, which of the twins you want to save. I am truly sorry for your loss."

Adrian monk stared towards where his wife lay lying. In the background he could here Leland yelling at the doctor, but none of that mattered as he took hold of his wifes hand.

"im sorry Natalie, i…I should have stopped this form happening…I –" adrian bowed his head and felt natlaie brush away his tears.

"its not your fault. Please…plea…please don't blame yourself."

At that moment a doctor came in with some nurses.

Two months is too little  
They let him go, They had no sudden healing  
To think that providence

"its time."

_Would take a child from his mother  
While she prays, is appalling  
Who told us we'd be rescued  
What has changed and  
Why should we be saved from nightmares_

Natalie, Adrian, Leland and randy watched through the panel glass a the twins, Leland and randy watched as the nurses turned off the life support machine to which held Adrian and Natalie's son.

_We're asking why this happens to us  
Who have died to live, it's unfair_

This is what it means to be held  
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life  
And you survive

the nurses placed him into the arms of his parents, their tears falling onto his still features.

_This is what it is to be loved and to know  
That the promise was when everything fell  
We'd be held._

_This hand is bitterness  
We want to taste it and  
Let the hatred numb our sorrows_

"You are so beautiful." Adrian whispered as the tears fell heavier as a piece of his heart died with his son.

_The wise hand opens slowly  
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow_

"I love you, my beautiful, brave little boy. Mommy and daddy will always love you." Natalie leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to the baby's forehead.

_If hope is born of suffering  
If this is only the beginning  
Can we not wait, for one hour  
Watching for our savior_

The nurse moved forward and gently removed the bundle from the grieving parents. Natallie sobbed into adrians chest while adrian held her in a protective embrace crying silent tears.

_This is what it is to be loved and to know  
That the promise was when everything fell  
We'd be held_

"chance." Adrian glanced down at his wife a question flooding his puffy eyes.

"our son should be called chance, he gave his little sister a second chance at life."

Adrian smiled as he though about his lost son. Chance only lived for a couple of hours, but he was the bravest boy any parent could have wished for. You gave up his life for his little sister.

"chance." Adrian whispered softly as he watched the nurses prep his little girl for surgery.

_This is what it is to be held…_


End file.
